Seven

You should be seven now......forever 5.   I wish I could see you.   I wonder if  you would have finished out your basketball season with Thomas today.   Would you have run the Anthem race with us this morning.   You would have been such a good runner.   We ordered your crypt plate a few weeks ago.  I hope you like the tractor we chose for it.    Allison prayed tonight that God would tell you that she loves you.   I've asked him he same thing.   I hope you know how much we love you and miss you sweet boy.   You've left behind such a hole :-(   A Benjamin shaped hole.  

Should be planning your birthday!

Thomas just turned 11.....that means we should be planning for you to turn 7.   I can't believe you'd be 7.   Seems so far from the 5 that you were last time I saw you.    You would be so big now.   I wish we were going to party city, picking out a theme and planning a party.    You'd be over halfway done with 1st grade.   You would be in RA's at church.   I miss you so much.   We picked out the plate for your mausoleum spot....I hope you like the tractor we picked.   Nothing really seemed fitting.

12/31/15

The end of a whole year where you didn't exist.    And it sucked.    I just want you back.    I'd love to take all 3 of you and move away and start over like I should have done long ago.    If we didn't still live here, maybe you'd still be with us.     I can't believe I still have to live this life without you.   I miss you so much sweet boy.  

A second Chirstmas without you

I miss you sooooo much this year.   I don't know what you would like or what you would have asked for.   Would you still love Santa?    Would you still like army men?   Would  you still get up at the crack of dawn?   I would still give anything to have you back.    Anything.    Your stocking will hang empty again.    I'm fighting with Daddy again.....nothing new these days.   I feel like I'll never be good enough.   I just want you here.   All of my kids.  

Can't do this again

Can't do the holidays without you again   I want to be anywhere, but here.   I want to be with you.   I want to be loved and important.   I want you back.   I hate this life without you.

Missing you

Hey buddy
I miss you so much (nothing new, right!?)   That time of year to wonder what you'd be for Halloween or to wonder if you would be running cross country.   Maybe you would have picked something new.   I wonder what size clothes I would be buying for you this fall and how big you would be.   I just miss everything about you and I hate all of the wondering.   I just want you here with me.   Where you belong.    Love you so much.

Cross country season

You should be out there running this year......a gator usually leads the race.....you'd be first in line to chase after it, no doubt.   I decorated your vase for Halloween, I hope you like it.   I miss you so much sweet boy.