Another trip without you

You only went to Gatlinburg once, but you loved it.    You kept asking to go back.   I wish I had taken you again.    We are here now without you and all I can think about it you.   You should be here with us.    You should be riding water slides and getting tickets in the arcade.    Last time we walked in downtown Gatlinburg it was pouring rain.   A big truck went by and drenched you from head to toe...You thought it was so funny.   I'm glad you had such a good sense of humor.    What I wouldn't give to make more memories with you, five years wasn't enough.

10 weeks tomorrow

10 weeks tomorrow....70 days.....doesn't seem possible.    I miss you so much today.   Our summer is nothing like I had planned.    Ours days are made up of therapy appointments, grief counseling, dr appointments, allergy shots.     I had planned fun days for all of you.....not days without you.    It is still so hard to accept that I have to live the rest of my life like this.    I don't want this life.  I don't want to live it.    Days like today I wish that it had been me instead of you.....or I wish I could come and be with you.     Nothing will ever be right without you here.

VBS

We started VBS at church on Sunday.   It is so sad watching the kindergarten group knowing you should be there dancing and singing.   You had so much fun last year.   You could tell me your stories better than Thomas could.   You sang the songs months after VBS was over.    We are going to today to meet the lawyer that is prosecuting the man who did this to you.    I am so angry and sad this morning wondering what we did to deserve this.   Why was it you?  Why the exact spot on the sidewalk where you were just riding your scooter?    I will never understand any of this.

Watering can

I so wish I would have bought you that ninja turtle watering can you wanted in Target.    I am glad I got to take you out alone the day you saw it.   We picked out new ninja turtle tooth brushes and toothpaste because you had been sick.    I also bought you the ninja turtle gloves.....but not the watering can.   You begged for it every time we went to target after that.   You reminded me often that you still wanted it.   If only you had known, I got it for you.   I was saving it for your Easter basket.   You would have been so  happy on Easter morning if you had been here.   I had the watering can hiding in the basement....you probably walked past it a million times.    Why didn't I just give it to you or buy it for you earlier?  I  hope you know how much I loved you and how much I still love you.    I wish it had been me instead of you.   I know that I would be a lot less missed than you are.   

2 months

2 months today since you left us.   Miss you so much.   I've cried every day that you have been gone.   You were supposed to get your teeth cleaned with Thomas and Allison today.   There was a sign saying to let them know if you needed Kindergarten paperwork...that should have been you.   You already had your kindergarten physical....You should have gotten your teeth checked and your eyes checked and then you would have been ready.   I am dreading all of the first day of kindergarten photos that everyone will share in August.   It should have been you too.   We got our library papers today for the summer reading program.  You always loved the junky hat or backpack you would get for filling your paper out and bringing it back.   I still can't imagine living the rest of my life without you in it.   You have left such a big empty whole.

First vacation

We are home from vacation....back home without you.   Your garden is growing, unfortunately your sunflower doesn't look like it is going to bloom.   I was so excited to have it since you planted it yourself.   I was hopeful to get seeds to be able to keep it going.   I wish I had taken a picture of it in the little cup you planted it in.    I really wish it would grow.  

Missing you

Eight weeks today since you were taken away from us.   I miss you more every day than the day before.   I miss you yelling and running and being wild.   I am sorry I was so hard on you for being so wild all the time.  What I wouldn't give you hear you yell "cannonball" and see you take off through the house.   What I wouldn't give to clean toothpaste off of the bathroom mirrors/towels every day.   I don't understand why this had to happen.    You were my strong healthy hard headed boy.  The one I never worried about anything happening to.  We are on our first vacation without you and it's all wrong.   Allison needed a buddy to dig in the sand with.   Too quiet without you throwing sand and not listening :-(