Thomas' birthday

Another celebration you should have been at.   You would have loved climbing on the ropes course at his birthday party.   I could just see you all the way at the top, not afraid of anything.    Then we had skate night at church.....you never got to skate.   I feel bad that I never took you.   I'm so sorry.   Allison wasn't very good at it, but she'll get better.   I wonder if you would have been a good skater.   I wonder so much about what you would be doing right now.   I wonder how tall you would be and how much you would weigh.   Anything I thought was bad about life before, really wasn't that bad until you weren't here anymore.   Wish I could join you so badly sometimes.

This time 2 years ago....

you were sick for Thomas' birthday.   Today we had to cancel his party because Allison is sick.   I miss you being here to share all of her germs.  I'm sure you would have brought her home plenty from kindergarten as well.    We've been picking out which valentine cards to make.   I have seen so many you would love.   Some with bugs, some with army men, some with glow sticks.   You wouldn't have been picky.   It is hard to believe yesterday was 9 months since you have been gone.    I still miss you more every day.  

Love you

So much......Went to visit you today.    I wish you were really there.    Wish I knew why we were chosen for this.  It isn't fair and somedays I just want to quit.  

:-(

Decorated your vase for Valentines day.   I hope you like it.   I can't believe you have been gone for almost 9 months.   It feels like it has been no time.  I wonder how much you would have grown in 9 months, what size you would be wearing, if you would have gotten kicked out of kindergarten yet.....or maybe I would be surprised and you would be a star student :-)   You were smart, just super super stubborn.    I'm sorry I was so hard on you about learning to write your name and learn your letters.   I just wanted you to be ready for school....if only I had known you wouldn't need any of that.  

New Year, No You

It isn't a very happy new year without you.   A whole year that will have no new Benjamin memories.   It is all wrong....just like everything else without you.   :-(