Birthday planning

So weird to be planning for Allison's birthday without you here.   I keep trying to add you into the count for the goody bags, then I remember that you are gone.    It's been over 5 months, but I still can't imagine forever without you.   Nothing is the same.   I miss your sweet face.   I miss your snuggly little self at bedtime.    I miss everything about you.   Just wish my little Wildman was back!

:-(

I think I have cried more over you in the past week than I have in the past 5 months.   I want you here so bad.   I want you yelling and making messes and peeing on the toilet seat.   I want to buy you a Halloween costume.   Thomas and Allison are going to be Peter Pan and Tinkerbell....You would have made the perfect Captain Hook.    I decorated your vase for Halloween, I guess that is the best I can do for you this year.    Somedays I just wish I was with you, this is just too hard.    Life has moved on for so many people.....I feel like mine never will without you here.   

5 months

5 months.   Today is the first day of fall.   We spent the whole summer without you.   Winter clothes are out, this is the first season I will have bought you nothing for.    Halloween costumes are out.   It was one of your favorite holidays since you liked to dress up so much.    I bet you would have been captain hook or an army man this year.   I'm so sorry I wouldn't let you have a sword for Halloween last year, at least your navy seal costume had a knife.    Disney is getting closer.....and you won't be there.   I still can't imagine how it is going to be without you.    Every day seems to be a little harder without you here.   I got a quilt rack for your blankets.   I'd love to sit and snuggle with them every day, but I don't want to wear them out.    Still just can't accept the fact that you are not coming back.

20 weeks

20 weeks, 140 days.    I miss you so much.   I wish your stuff smelled like you, but you were allergic to all of the scented soap....other than sweaty boy, you didn't have much of a scent.    I miss you falling asleep on us at night in the living room, you didn't make it all the way to bedtime most nights, probably because you got up so incredibly early most days.   I miss my morning buddy on the couch when I eat breakfast.  You and your blanket.  The church built a playground in your memory, they finished today.   I'd much rather have you here to play with on a playground.  You would love it. 

Your Garden

I worked in your garden tonight.   I planted some pansies for you.   It needed some color.   I cut back the moon flowers.   I worked in the rosebushes.    I wish you were here to work with me.   You loved the dirt so much.    It's almost been 20 weeks since you have been gone.   Tomorrow we will see the man who killed you for the first time.    I wish he knew how awesome and special you were.    He took us from you in the blink of an eye.   I worry all the time now about losing your brother or sister since you were taken so quickly.    Miss you sooo much buddy.